Behind every great success lies a story of struggle.
Behind the glorious moments, there are many sacrifices made. My sexuality, specialty blow job, all come at a price. No one, including myself, was born naturally to have such skills. The current skills that I possess today were not gifts which were magically given to me. Beneath the good skills that I am proud of, hides an unglamorous history of great suffering and agony.
Success is not achieved overnight. It has been the product of many years’ struggle. It was through pain, endless sufferings that brought me to where I am today. I have had to battle through pain and great emotional and mental turmoil as I went against nature, using my mouth as a “tool” to satisfy men’s lust instead of using it as it was intended for. This was extremely painful especially during the initial learning period when everything was foreign to the mouth and I had to force myself to accept it by sheer will power, crying each passing day. The transforming and fine-tuning of the body to accept and adapt a stick in my mouth, was an excruciatingly painful sacrifice that I made, and the psychological damage and scars will stay with me forever, deeply embedded in the dark recesses of my soul.
Even now, I am still being haunted by my past, and in quiet moments, the memories bring uncontrollable tears. I know these scars of mine would never truly heal.
I have lost my identity and I am no longer able to go back to the past and bring back the old ‘ME’. Losing my own identity was probably the greatest sacrifice that I have made. As I am writing this, I ask myself, who am I? What or who have I become? Is there still a ‘ME’ that I can revert to when I’m not working? Or have I become defined by only the work that I do? Maybe I have already lost myself and I can never go back to ME.